


Advance Guard

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Broadway, Comedy, Filk, Friendship, Gen, Grimmauld Place, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Parody, Singing, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 05:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2456339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus, Tonks, Moody, and the rest of the Advance Guard show up to Privet Drive to pick up Harry. It becomes pretty clear that they're a kooky bunch of characters. A song filk to the tune of "Friendship" from the musical Anything Goes.</p><p>Bet it's really been a bit of a shock<br/>To have a bunch of wizards here on your block<br/>If you ever put your want there again, then gone's your buttock!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Advance Guard

**Author's Note:**

> "Advance Guard" filked to the tune of "Friendship" from the musical Anything Goes. Specifically, the revival with Patti LuPone. Originally filked March 2005.

_SCENE: In the dark, we suddenly hear a group of voices talking_  
  
 **MOODY:**  (spoken)  
Lower that wand, boy! You'll take someone's eye out!  
 **HARRY:**  (spoken)  
Professor Moody?  
 **MOODY:**  (spoken)  
Yeah, but I didn't get around to teaching, now did I?  
 **LUPIN**  (spoken)  
It's all right, Harry. We're going to take you away  
 **HARRY:**  (spoken)  
Professor Lupin?  
 **LUPIN:**  (spoken)  
Yes, that's me  
 **TONKS**  (spoken)  
Turn on the lights and tell him who we are and what we're doing!  
  
 _(The lights go up, and in the dim light, we see the Advance Guard with Moody, Lupin, and Tonks at the front. The group enthusiastically begins to sing, with the rest of the Advance Guard providing elaborate background dancing)_  
  
 **MOODY:**  
Well, the Dursleys have treated this all wrong  
 **TONKS:**  
So I sent them for a prize for their lawn  
 **LUPIN:**  
But there is none, so when they come home to grumble  
You'll be gone  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
Advance Guard, the Guard  
Helping you long and hard  
When other Guards have failed in their job  
We won't be the slob!  
 **MOODY, LUPIN, and TONKS**  
Order of the the Phoenix  
Advance Guard  
  
 **LUPIN:**  
Bet it's really been a bit of a shock  
 **TONKS:**  
To have a bunch of wizards here on your block  
  
 _(HARRY nods, and puts his wand in his back jeans pocket)_  
  
 **MOODY:**  (to Harry)  
If you ever put your wand there again then  
Gone's your buttock!  
  
 _(HARRY quickly removes his wand from the pocket)_  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
Advance Guard, the Guard  
Helping you long and hard  
When other Guards have showed they don't care  
We will still be there!  
 **MOODY, LUPIN, and TONKS:**  
Order of the Phoenix  
Advance Guard  
  
 **MOODY:**  
Now you better not ask anything here  
 **LUPIN:**  
We will tell you it all when the coast's clear  
 **TONKS:**  
'Cause you never know who's trying to spy or  
Ta-ake in a peer  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
Advance Guard, the Guard  
Helping you long and hard  
While other guards may not be discreet  
Our secret's kept neat!  
 **MOODY, LUPIN, and TONKS:**  
Order of the Phoenix  
Advance Guard  
  
 **LUPIN:**  
We'll be on brooms and I know you fly swell  
 **TONKS:**  
So let's go pack now Harry-  
 _(SHE trips as she walks upstairs with HARRY))_  
Darn, I fell  
 **MOODY:**  
Damn, my eyeball's gotten stuck in one spot as well  
What the hell?  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
Advance Guard, the Guard  
Helping you long and hard  
When other Guards let things get them down  
We'll still be around  
  
 _(HARRY and TONKS return a few minutes later with all of Harry's belongings_ )  
  
 **TONKS:**  
Wow, I really like your broom, don't you know?  
 **MOODY:**  
When I Disillusion you, you won't show  
 **LUPIN:**  
I left a letter to your aunt and uncle, now  
It's time to go  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
Advance Guard, the Guard  
Helping you long and hard  
When other Guards would just take a rest  
We will be the best  
 **MOODY, LUPIN, and TONKS:**  
Order of the Phoenix-  
  
 _(The three all say different words simultaneously)_  
  
 **MOODY:**  
Vigilance  
 **LUPIN:**  
Aa-aroo  
 **TONKS:**  
Wotcher, yeah  
  
 _(The three stare at each other in confusement, and then argue at each other very quickly, talking over the ends of each other's sentences)_  
  
 **TONKS**  (spoken)  
"Aa-aroo"? You said you don't even like howling!  
 **LUPIN:**  (spoken)  
Well...  
 **MOODY:**  (spoken)  
We're not saying "wotcher". "Vilgilance" is more important.  
 **LUPIN:**  (spoken)  
You become too crazed with the "vigilance" thing.  
 **MOODY:**  (spoken)  
I don't!  
 **TONKS:**  (spoken)  
Well, what do you propose?  
 **LUPIN:**  (spoken)  
Just howl. I'm not saying that.  
 **MOODY:**  (spoken)  
Think of something else!  
 **TONKS:**  (spoken)  
I'm right, just do what I do!  
 **LUPIN:**  (spoken  
Hurry up, we're supposed to sing again!  
  
 _(Quickly, they join the rest of the Advance Guard in singing)_  
  
 **ADVANCE GUARD:**  
When other guards would just take a rest  
We'll still be the best!  
  
 _(Stubborn in their ways, MOODY, LUPIN, and TONKS finish the last three syllables of the song at the same time with their own words)_  
  
 **MOODY:**    
Vigilance!  
 **LUPIN:**  
Aa-aroo!  
 **TONKS:**  
Wotcher, yeah!


End file.
